Wednesday, May 04, 2005
Did i ever mentioned i am constantly being surrounded by idiots in NCC?! Well, i certainly ought to be damned to hell if I missed that point out. My NCOs are so damn incompetant man! What kind of stupid camp schedule did they plan out for me? 5 mins for attendance taking and reporting of strength?! 30 mins for stand by bunk!? 1 hour for drills...is fine...but at night?!?!? 2 hours for LUNCH & DINNER EACH!!!! What are they going to eat? Mammoth steak ar?!
All of my years in NCC, I have never seen a camp RO like this before! Honestly...It's...it's just degrading.
Someone's trachea is going to be crushed man...
Haiz...wadever man, i'm just going to leave it to them to ruin the whole company man.
Throwing that aside, I feel a rift has formed between Aaron and I. I felt it when I finally chatted with Aaron again after our 3 days of silence. The arguments and differences have finally left its mark and the damage has been done. I guess that rift was inevitable as noone is ever so pure to be a "good guy" in this world. Everyone remembers and very seldom forget when bad stuff happen. Looks like I'm the villian and oppressor in this situation. I find that there is a something about me, I seem to somehow unable to maintain a friendship with a close friend, well. Haha...
I guess deep down inside, I'm just a dark individual with a lot of hatred and anger bottled down inside...i'm someone who cannot become or start to be close to anyone. Maybe I should just accept the fact, and not hurt anyone anymore. I'm perfectly alright with the people I don't tell or share heart to heart stuff with, but I seem to end up hating or disliking the person I share secrets or problems with...
It was a long time ago since I last felt a heartache over someone who's not my family member. I closed my heart up in sec2, since then the only person I've cared for genuinely had been Cheryl. Aaron came along the way, years after I closed my heart to outsiders and he unknowingly proved to me that friends are worth it, I guess without knowing I opened up again and that allowed me to care for and love my newfound friends. When that happened, I found myself diminished and weakened in a good way, I wasn't that tight-fisted and cold as I used to be.
Thank God for a blog, because here I can type and say things which I am too proud to say to the person. I know he'll never know what I want to say if I type it here...but at least I will feel more at ease... so here it goes...
"Aaron, regarding the issue with Cheryl...I didn't mean to hurt you, I'm sorry if I ever made you cry(sad), I'm just a jealous guy. I wish I could turn back time, if I could, I never would have told you I don't want you as my friend anymore. You treated me without discrimination and that earned you all my respect, you helped open up my heart and did in a way change me for the better. You're someone important to me and been like the brother I never had... and I'm grateful to have you around. I'm sorry for everything and I ask for only 2 things...Friends forever once more....and forgive me......"
posted @ 4:09 AM
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